Yayoi Kusama -Infinity Mirrors

Today, the kids and I, as members of the Cleveland Museum of Art, had the opportunity to go to artist Yayoi Kusama's exhibit entitled "Infinity Mirrors". For those of you not familiar with Ms. Kusama, a little introduction is warranted. Yayoi Kusama was born in Japan in 1929. She is originally from Matsumoto, my favorite, and in my opinion, one of the most beautiful cities in Japan (it's also home to Shiniichi Suzuki, the violinist and founder of the Suzuki method...the original Suzuki School is still there!). Ms. Kusama is BIG into installation art and sculpture...both of which are represented in this show. The title "Infinity Mirrors" is aptly named because a large part of the show is going into little rooms with lots of mirrors, lighting and other repeating themes. There are some sexual themes in the art, but not to the extent that it's inappropriate for children (though if nudity and sexual phallic themes bother you...then maybe skip the art museum all together because those themes are pretty much a common thread throughout human history--take a closer look at those Greek vases next time you stroll through a museum, and you'll see what I mean).

Ms. Kusama is pretty interesting herself. At the end of the exhibit, there is a video of her describing her art and what she hopes it achieves. If you've ever studied geisha, she is kind of a modern version in the sense that she is wearing a wig (hot pink bob) and her face is powdered with ruby red lips and her eyebrows draw in. She talks with zero emotion, and yet speaks of great emotion. I later told Mark that I thought Japanese culture encouraged eccentricity among those who chose not to be "the nail pounded down" because if you're going to rebel and non-conform, the only way to do that in Japan and survive is to do it with great panache and in an over-the-top way. Like a geisha, she also seems like she is playing a part. She is part of the dichotomy that exists in Japanese culture between reality and illusion. With geisha that line gets blurred, and that line is similarly blurred in the same way in this exhibit.

The Exhibit is entitled "Infinity Mirrors" because each little room gives one the "illusion" of infinity. You walk in and the object (and you!) are manifested seemingly endless times through mirrors...sometimes it is light that seems to stretch into infinity, sometimes it is a pattern, and sometimes it is an object as well as the viewer. By entering the room, you too become part of the illusion. You have thirty seconds in each room. Not only does this help the flow of the exhibit, but it also mirrors (see what I did there) the idea of impermanence. My favorite exhibit was one called Toro Nagashi which is designed to mimic the lanterns that are used during Obon in which lit paper lanterns are sent down a river to commemorate the spirits of the ancestors. It's a beautiful festival that is mimicked in her installation through the use of light, darkness and mirrors. At one point, the lights go out, and then slowly all come back on, almost as if the spirits of the ancestors had been snuffed out only to be reborn, kind of mirroring the Buddhist concept of rebirth. Standing in the room with the lights of Toro Nagashi made one feel the depth of connectedness to each spirit, and yet the sense of the endless journey of birth, death, and rebirth. I wish I could have spent about 10 minutes in that room, or even a minute, but the time limit made one aware just how brief life really is, and how you have to really drink in each moment as it happens. The last room you go through is one where you are handed a sheet of different sized polka dots, and told to place them anywhere you want in a room where all the furniture, walls, etc are painted white. I asked one of the docent what will happen to the room after the Exhibit, and as she started to explain, I said "I bet it will be destroyed, because like the message of her art, this piece of art is also "impermanent". She said: "Exactly". It was a good lesson for the kids to think about; namely, that while each one of us is a unique human being, without some larger purpose of being associated with the infinite (God), our presence here on Earth is one of impermanence where nothing we do can be counted on to last beyond our own lives, beyond our ability to love and help those on our path, who can be forever changed by our interaction with them.

It's ironic I went on a Sunday, and then went to Mass afterward. In my quest to find those common areas within the Venn Diagrams of life (read my post about Yoga if you missed it), I saw lots of overlap in the idea of our connectedness to one another, as well as the fleeting nature of life. While we might not believe exactly the same thing about the nature of life, Catholics and Christians should be able to share with Buddhists the idea that life is all too brief, and that like reincarnation, we as Christians are born into new life when we join our lives to Christ's.

I encourage you to experience the wonder, beauty, and message of this amazing installation while it is here in our fair city. And if you don't live around Cleveland, I hope you find a way to see this installation...heck, Cleveland is a great place to visit so what are you waiting for?

What's The Matter With Kids Today?

I work with kids in my job. I'm often their attorney, their guardian ad litem, or if they're a college student, I've been their teacher. I talk to my friend's kids and I supervise field trips. I time swim meets and supervise ballet dancers. I'm not an expert, but I'm around a lot of kids. When I hear people complain about kids, the first thing I think is that most kids are overall pretty good. Most of the kids I supervise on field trips, or at church, or at swim meets, etc. are decent kids who are pretty much fun to be around. Having said that I do see "trends" when I observe the kids I work with or those with whom I interact. I'm going to break those trends down into five main areas.

1. Entitlement. You hear this word thrown around a lot but when I say it the predominant thing I mean is that kids think they run the show. They seem to be confused when an adult sets the record straight and reminds them they are kids. A few months ago, I spoke at my kids' school and surprised the kids by reminding them or maybe informing them, that as a kid, they don't own property. This was a shazam moment for most of the kids. Of course, my kids have been told repeatedly that the property in our house that they think is their's is actually our's, meaning owned by parents/adults. This means that my kids' property can be taken from them at any moment, without a hearing, a warrant and even without complaint. Likewise, the right to privacy is greatly curtailed when living in my house. Your room, much like Alcatraz, is subject to random and unannounced searches and seizures. If we start with this premise, other things naturally flow from it...such as the fact that you're not getting a smart phone at 13; you're not having a TV or computer or other electronic device in your room; and you're not telling me what you are going to do. You have the right to politely express an opinion which I may consider, but I the parent have the final say about damn near everything: where you go to school; what activities you participate in; when you quit an activity; what I fix for dinner; where we go on vacation and what we do when we get there, etc. etc. While kids are important and a blessing etc., they are not the center of a small universe. They are a part of a family with adult decision-makers. Thus, a sense of entitlement to things, possessions, activities, etc. isn't allowed. Anything above love, food, shelter and clothing is a bonus.

2. Life is Unfair. Yep. Life is unfair people. It is unfair when you are a kid, and it's unfair when you're an adult. Good people get cancer; some even get killed in drunk driver accidents. Bad people often flourish (to wit, politicians, certain athletes who beat their girlfriends, tax cheats, etc). Anytime, my kids trot this expression out, they are reminded that there is no expectation of fairness in life. The nature of humanity means that life will be inherently unfair. The question is not whether it is fair or not, but how you deal with that unfairness and adversity. One of the first times this comes up is when a kid has a teacher he/she doesn't like. You don't have to like your teacher. You are going to have a boss, a teacher, a colleague, a president (hah!), a coach, etc. at some point in life who you don't like and who also may not like you. Your job is to suck it up and deal. As long as the person is not abusive (defined very precisely by me under the law which does not include giving you an earned bad grade, or telling you to suck it up and deal with material you don't like), your job as a student is to figure out how to get through that year or semester. It is not to run to someone and complain and expect change. I am working to build a resilient child who can fight through failure and adversity, not whose life is made comfortable and coddled by me at every step of the way. Being a parent does not mean protecting them from every bad experience but helping them learn how to look at life as glass half full instead of half empty. Perspective is everything in life.

3. Balance. Balance means you need to be able to see both sides of an extreme and aim for the middle. Plato and Aristotle both extolled moderation as a key to obtaining "the good life", a concept later developed and built upon by Cicero. This means you have to be open to hearing both sides of an issue. You have to be in dialogue with people and not take your ball and go home when you disagree with them. Life cannot be lived on either pole. It has to be a balancing act or life will be very hard. This also applies to activities in which you engage. Too much exercise/sports...blow out your knees, damage your body, end up with a concussion; too little exercise and you are a couch potato with unhealthy habits. Our world is so polarized by people who have to have all or nothing type of beliefs that it endangers all of us in the future. Teach your kids that its ok to reach common ground; compromise is not a bad thing, but an essential way for healthy societies, families and couples to function. Try and find those areas of life where there is an overlap...the center of a Venn Diagram, where all the circles intersect. You are doing your kids a disservice if you are narrow minded in either extreme.
Another part of this "balance" idea is that you want to teach them to pursue things that nurture their minds, their bodies, and their spirits...pursuit of anything without consideration of how it impacts the balance of your life is usually a bad thing...the pursuit of money without being balanced again concern for the greater good; the pursuit of a person as an object rather than as a person with thoughts, feelings and their own identity; the pursuit of career goals at the expense of your family...all unhealthy.

4. It's Not About You. There's a song from the musical My Fair Lady that Eliza sings to Professor Higgins whose lyrics talk about the fact that the world goes on and still spins, even without him, meaning Higgins. It's important to remind ourselves and our kids that life is not all about them. They need to see the bigger picture....that life is about what we give, rather than receive; that it's not about what we achieve or do, but that we are all children of God; that it's about love rather than desire; that it's about a sacrifice fly instead of a solo home run. Too much of our world is caught up in what this person wants, at the expense of someone else: I don't want to be married anymore; I don't want to help take care of my parents; I don't want to take a pay cut to stay in my hometown (that's a veiled allusion to you know who...). Duty is a four letter word these days, but there is too little of it. Life is not meant to be easy but it is meant to be beautiful, and sacrifice for others can be a beautiful thing if done out of love, without resentment and given freely. No one said life was easy, right? See No. 2.

5. Know Thyself. Socrates admonished us to know ourselves. I believe he give us this admonition because knowing yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses, your flaws..and knowing that even with all these flaws, you are still loved, is the key to life. It doesn't mean you stay static and not try to improve on those things that can be improved but some of life has to be a gut check on whether or not you can be a concert pianist or professional basketball player. I would argue this applies to our kids as well. Accepting your kids for who they are and not who you want them to be is one of life's greatest challenges, and because we can "fix" things as human beings we feel we should be able to "fix" our kids too. Not everyone is gifted; not everyone is an athlete; not everyone is good in music or can sing; know your own gifts and then be realistic yet hopeful about your kids as well. Not everyone is going to get an A in Algebra. A C is an average grade because....it is average. Average is not a bad word! Even though it has become one! Accept yourself and then your kids for who they are. Some talents are intangible, such as being a truly kind person or maybe your kid has a tremendously generous spirit. Celebrate those things where your kids excel but don't get pissed at your kid, his teacher, etc, when that kid gets a C. Maybe that is the grade they earned...even if they are smart. Sometimes, the smartest kids are also kind of lazy. Guess what? You probably can't fix that! Maybe the biggest part of this is accepting who YOU are, so you can help your kid know who he or she is.

And last, don't try and change the whole world....sometimes you have to change the microcosm you have some smattering of control over. And if you think about the impact one person can have on the lives of others (think about It's a Wonderful Life here), then you really are effecting major change, one person at a time.

Why Yoga

Why Yoga

As many of you know I came back from my second Ignatian Yoga Retreat this weekend. You hear lots of comments about yoga, and spirituality, and about whether or not it is compatible with Christianity, etc., etc. I wanted to write about Yoga in general, then Ignatian Yoga specifically, and then make a larger point about spirituality.

Today is July 2. Tomorrow would be my daughter Lydia’s 15th birthday. It seems inconceivable to me to imagine her as a 15 year old girl. I do have some way of thinking about her at that age though because I have a photo of her sister at about that same age. Her sister would now be 25, and I often wonder what happened to her. Because of how that situation in China played out, we were never able to keep in touch with Lydia’s family. Another sad moment in a very sad situation. Another time to ponder the “what might have been’s” of that situation….

Getting through a child’s death, a living, breathing child who occupied the space in your heart for 5 years, is a very difficult, life changing task. The trauma of watching that child suffer through a very painful, devastating battle with leukemia; the adoption/family in China piece; the closure of my successful law office; the financial burden it wrought that has life long consequences...all these things can make one bitter and angry and resentful. Sometimes its hard to find your way through all that grief, and bitterness, and just the question of why????

For me, Yoga was a vehicle through which I could see my faith in God continuing. Yoga did not supplant my view of God; quite the contrary-it heightened my ability to see God in all things. Long before I was a Catholic I was a Lakeside Chautauqua, life-long Methodist who believed and still believes in the three pillars of the the Chautauqua movement as one of connecting the mind, body and spirit. To me, after becoming Catholic and learning more about St. Ignatius and Ignatian spirituality, spirituality became about seeing God in all things, including in moments of tragedy in our lives, as well as in ways that we can find to connect with God...through our minds, our bodies and our spirits.

Since Descartes, who famously said, I Think, Therefore I Am, we in the West have had this idea that our minds and our bodies are somehow separate...that what happens in our bodies, can never connect us to wisdom in our minds, or peace in our spirits. We lost the ability that ancient people had of seeing all things as part of God...as manifestations of who God is.

Enter Yoga. Yoga is a way of linking your mind, your body and your spirit. Through the challenges that Yoga brings, through the pain and discomfort we sometimes experience when doing challenging poses, we can gain deeper insight into who we are and we learn that suffering can lead to triumph and ultimately, to God. We learn humility and the fact that life is a practice….a life long journey to God that we can never get right without God. We can experience God by blocking out the rest of the world, and inviting him into our practice there on our mat. Our minds can be attuned to what God is communicating to us as we use our bodies as a form of prayer.

As a Catholic, we assume various postures in Mass all the time...we kneel, we bow, we stand, we pray, we bring our hands to heart center...sometimes we even prostrate ourselves at the presence of God in the Eucharist when we realize the sacritice Jesus made. Ignatian Yoga, based on the Spiritual Exercises developed by St. Ignatius, invites us to contemplate Christ’s specific, sacrificial acts as we practice Yoga. It invites us to use all our senses and our bodies to experience Christi’s suffering, death and resurrection.

Thomas Merton, the great Catholic writer and thinker, used Buddhist postures to deepen his prayer and Meditation practice. Like me, he used certain postures to invite his body into comtemplation of the mystery of God. There is nothing wrong with the mind body connection one can use to experience God. When we hear music, when we dance, when we place ourselves into certain postures, we are using our bodies to deepen our understanding of our true self and our relationship to the Almighty.

Yoga also teaches us to detach from unhealthy attachments to anything that takes us away from God. This is perfectly aligned to what St. Ignatius taught about detaching from that which would detract from putting God first.

When I think of Yoga and other meditation practices, I think of a Venn diagram. In one circle are Eastern meditation and yoga practices, and in the other circle is Christianity. Like Merton and Ignatius, I’m looking for where these two great world religions overlap. Where I see them overlapping, and where I think Merton and Ignatius would agree, is in that area where such practices lead us closer to experiencing the mystery of God.

From a Catholic perspective, and thanks to great thinkers like Merton and Ignatius, we have a deep, rich tradition of spiritual and meditation practices to help us achieve mindfulness and awareness of God’s presence in our lives. I pray that many more people can use Yoga to deepen and strengthen their relationship with Christ. I know that I could not have made it through the path of my life without my being able to find God even in the depths of despair there on my mat.

In peace,