What happens when you give up Facebook

I've had a love/hate relationship with Facebook for quite a while now. I am sure many of you have too! It's a great tool in many ways for keeping in touch with friends and family. And the "Memories" feature is pretty cool in that you get a great way of remembering where you were on a given day, time, etc. It's a kind of scrapbook but one where you don't have to search your memory to remember when the photo was taken! Facebook is also a giant time suck that I really have forced myself to take stock of, and maybe the pandemic, and everything that happened since, has made me realize that I know too much about the people around me who would ordinarily be an enigma wrapped in a riddle. If I really want to know more about someone I should probably talk to them in person, or maybe I'm just not that interested in what they think about wearing masks, or protests, etc. And maybe, they wouldn't be that interested in my perspective on all things political, social, and, let's not forget, epidemiological, either. 

 Everything that has happened in the last few months has made me realize that there is very little that can substitute for an in person exchange, whether that be learning from a great teacher, in person; having a coffee with someone you are getting to know; or talking with family. Online communication gives us a false sense of "knowing" someone else. The reality is that we very likely don't know ourselves all that well because we spend most of our lives kind of running from the quiet and the introspection needed to think deeply about things. And we really know very few people well. 

 Back when I was in college, in the Dark Ages now, we had to rely on in person communication. There were no cell phones, and we only had one landline in the lobby of the floor of the dorm (eventually Hiram enabled us to have a landline in our rooms...whoa). We also had to go to a computer lab where you had to play nicely with others in order to use a computer and work on and print out your paper. We showered communally in showers not shared by your sweet little pod of 3-5 people but on a floor of 20-30 people. The showers weren't great, and they often became cold after a few people used all the hot water. We ate in a cafeteria and to say the food was substandard would be a gross understatement. There was no pizza bar, Asian wok or other tempting dishes. It was turkey broccoli roll ups and burger night and often, a bowl of Lucky Charms when there really wasn't anything palatable. There was no air conditioning, and my windows froze over with ice on the inside of the room one especially cold and brutal winter. We got through these "difficult" (really, the hashtag #firstworldproblems works here) times together and have a common experience that unites us as college graduates during the 80's and 90's. I feel sorry for kids these days who spend most of their time forming online relationships. My son, who is 15, talks to people online and recently I told him I wanted him to actually call a human being and talk verbally to that person. Even though the phone is a poor substitute for actual in person interaction, it at least is the act of hearing another voice and there is an exchange back and forth, reading the intonation of voice etc., that is required. Hopefully, in this time of social distancing, this still enables him to form some level of human interaction and relationship. 

I don't think I am being wistful about the past or nostalgic or whatever you want to call it. I know that not everything was perfect "back then". But I think there is value to having some level of a shared experience, even if that experience has variations. I also think there is some value to having face to face instruction time with a professor or teacher who cares about you and who wants to genuinely make you think. While online instruction can have some value, it cannot substitute for the in person wisdom imparted from one generation to the next. We are losing something as a society when we fail to both honor the wisdom of those who are older than we, and also when we fail to recognize the value in having interpersonal, human interaction. If the pandemic and lockdowns and zoom have taught us anything, I hope it has taught us the value of a hug, the value of a smile, the value of talking things out in person rather than shouting at one another and scoring points on Facebook, something I too have gotten caught up in. 

It doesn't seem to me it is particularly "woke" to post things on Facebook if you don't seek out in person relationships with people of all backgrounds and opinions, particularly those that differ from yours. We've lost a sense of camaraderie, of civility, of history, of wisdom and of common charity and decency in recognizing that people are different with different experiences and backgrounds. The world would be very boring place indeed if we all thought the same, believed the same, and all had the same experience. Let's remember that difficult conversations about history, race, and politics are probably best left to discussions around a table, with a glass of wine, and a good meal. If you're thinking of giving up Facebook too, I say "welcome aboard".