What being Pro-life looks like for me

Thirteen years ago on Mother’s Day, I got a call from our social worker that we had received a referral for a baby girl from Guangzhou China who was then 10 months old.  I will never forget the first time I saw her face when her photo came up in the email the social worker sent me.  I can still see her tiny feet, her bushy Brooke Shield’s eyebrows, and her dark, sensitive, soul-filled eyes.  That was the day I became a mom.  For two months, I carried that photo around because it would not be until July 4th of that year that I got to hold our Lydia in my arms for the first time in an office building in China.  This little girl, who lived in an orphanage, who was underfed, underdeveloped, and un-loved, suddenly had a family, and a mama who sang to her, adored her and loved her.  That same little girl, who couldn’t even pick up a Cheerio with her fingers at one year of age, went on to dance, sing, draw wonderful pictures, and play the violin.  She was joined two years later, by our son Max whom we adopted from Korea.  For his adoption, we went to the Chicago O’Hare airport and picked up this stunned, chubby little baby who was in shock after the long plain ride with an escort he didn’t know.  Two beautiful children, almost two years apart.  Through adoption, our little family was complete.  Or so we thought…..

Life took a stunning turn, when, at age 5, Lydia was diagnosed with leukemia.  As soon as my beautiful girl was diagnosed, I willingly gave up my law practice to spend every waking moment of her nearly 6 months in hospital by her side.  I cut off my hair so she would know it was ok not to have any hair.  Through her journey with leukemia, we found her birth family in China, and learned her tragic story of how she came to reside in an orphanage.  Lydia was a victim of China’s one child policy.  Her parents had two older girls, but they wanted a boy.  In the quest for that elusive boy, Lydia was, we found out, one of many victims of abandonment.  Somewhere in China, or around the world, are Lydia’s sisters, given up for abandonment by her parents, just as Lydia was on a hot day in July in 2003.  Her parents were unwilling even to help their daughter when she had leukemia, refusing to allow their middle daughter to give Lydia much needed life-saving bone marrow.  It was then that I came to realize what I guess I had already known.  Biology is just genetics.  Motherhood is a gift of the spirit.  When Lydia’s birthmother told me through a translator that she didn’t love her child, and didn’t care whether she lived or died, I came to realize that Lydia had not been born of my womb, but that she was truly my child, none-the-less.  She was a child of my heart. 

When Lydia passed away six months later from leukemia, I knew a piece of my heart would always be with her and another piece died with her when she passed away.  Two years after Lydia died, we adopted our now six year old Sarah-Grace from Korea, traveling to Korea to get her and allowing Max the opportunity to see his orphanage and  to visit with his foster mom.  It was an emotional trip for us all. 

When I think about abortion, I think about my three children, all of whom were true gifts from God, and I think about the fact that I am so blessed that they were given a chance at life.  It seems absurd and wrong to imagine that my children might not be here, had their mothers chosen to have an abortion.  What would our lives be like without these magnificent souls?  The world would be a darker place without the lives of Lydia, Max, and Sarah-Grace.

When I think about adoption, I think about the fact that we who are pro life have a responsibility to not just talk the talk, but walk the walk.  We need to care about the unborn and protect their lives at the most vulnerable stage, but we also have to realize that not every mother who chooses life will also choose adoption.  And in that sense, we need to support mothers who choose life by supporting policies that support that decision.  We need to be a support to moms at every stage of their child’s life, knowing that for many moms who do choose life, it is going to be a lifelong, uphill battle to keep and raise that child. 

In my work as an attorney and guardian ad litem, I represent both parents and children who cross paths with Children’s Services.  For many families, the cycle of Children’s Services’ involvement began when the parents themselves were children and were removed from their parent’s care.  The support system and passing along of knowledge and wisdom necessary to make them capable parents in many cases, never happened and just isn’t there.  We, as a community, need to fill in that gap for these individuals, and instead of condemning or judging them, we need to offer them a helping hand in a non-judgmental way.  As Atticus Finch, the heroic lawyer from Harper Lee’s To Kill Mockingbird fame, once observed, you can’t really judge a person unless you’ve walked around in their shoes and have seen life from their perspective. 

Programs like WIC, Help Me Grow, and Head Start help these families in many ways, but we need to do MORE.  For the women I work with, a car breaking down with no money to fix it, can mean the difference between a certain level of stability and…homelessness.  Many of these women live their life as a house of cards…one thing goes wrong, and everything comes crashing down around them.   The drug epidemic our cities and towns are facing is a stark reminder that children are always the victims when parents lives go awry.  If we want to help children, we have to help their parents.

For most, abortion is a choice borne of desperation.  If we want women who are pregnant to choose LIFE, we need to show them there is a way other than desperation.  We need to be willing to pay more taxes to support programs for families in these situations, and we need to give generously of our time, talents and treasures and be the face of Christ to those in need. 

So in that spirit, I invite each and every one of you to do what you can to assist babies, children, and families at all levels of need…whether it be helping an unwed mother; reaching out to a single mother struggling to make it with her children; supporting policies that provide the necessary support system for moms; fostering children in need, or adopting an orphan from right here or around the world, whatever you can give, every bit of help counts.  I will close with this reminder from St. Theresa of Calcutta:  WE need to be the answer to someone's prayer.