Turning 44

Tomorrow, is my birthday, and I will be 44.  I think the 40's are a time for deep contemplation of life.  I can see why many a mid-life crisis happens in the 40's.  In your 20's, you have entered into adulthood and everything is about establishing independence.  In your 30's, you are digging deep into your career, your family, and life and you build stability.  In your 40's though, you realize that fast approaching are the 50's and 60's, with all the health issues, and retirement income worries.  You realize that you may never get to retire.  Your parents' health starts to fail and in many cases, you lose one or both parents.  Your children in many instances have either left the nest, are about to, or even worse, they hit puberty...right at the time you begin to hit menopause.  I think God had a design flaw in that plan....or maybe I should have had my kids younger.  By the time you get to your mid 40's, you realize there is a very good chance you may not live another 44 years....it's humbling.

As a woman, I think that another thing starts to happen as well.  Maybe something that doesn't happen to men until much later...which is that you realize that many people will start to see you as a middle aged woman, with all that implies.  You realize that you are pretty much past child bearing years, while the men still have years of viable sperm left.  Men are classified as "distinguished" as they age, while women get plastic surgery or Botox themselves to death...we have only to look at Barbara Walters and her plastic face to see what society attempts to require of us.
These sorts of stereotypes and story lines about middle-aged woman sometimes lead woman to engage in our own Peter Pan'ish fantasies in which we run around acting half our age if only to prove that we are hip or whatever we are trying to prove. 

BUT, I think I would like us to reclaim something.  In many ancient societies, the older woman was revered as a wise teacher, a mother to all, and a voice of timeless truths.  Somewhere along the way we have lost the idea that age can lend something to a discussion, to society.  Our quest for the fountain of youth and all things young, hip and fast, has caused us to downplay the important role of all ages in our culture, and the contributions each stage of life can make.  Experience should count for something.  Somehow, in our modern world, maybe starting in the 1960's,  youth culture forced the elderly off the stage, and the elderly ceded that ground to the youth.  We have become victims of corporate marketing to such an extent we now "type" people by which generation they belong to. 

Well, this is my battle cry of Revolution a la Tawanda from Fried Green Tomatoes fame.  Don't cede your experience, your authority, or your wisdom to our youth infatuated culture.  Keep your balance by having one foot in modernity and one foot grounded in experience.  Don't let anyone make you feel less valued as you age.  If I think about people I admire who aged gracefully, Katharine Hepburn immediately jumps to mind.  She was herself, and true to herself to the end, all the while not being critical of others, but staying grounded in who she was while at the same time adapting to the world around her. 

As women, we face challenges of biology unique to our feminine identities.  But we don't have to be held captive to expectations, stereotypes or generational categories.  Embrace your 40's, and live life fully.  By this time in your life, you have learned enough to know who you are, so go out into the world, confidant about that identity and live, laugh and love.  Enjoy every moment, because as we have learned by the time we reach our 40's, time is precious!

Merry Christmas Family and Friends!

Here I sit on Christmas Eve Eve, having decided to write an electronic, non-paper Christmas card this year.  For Eco-friendly reasons and due to time constraints, I figured this is the best way to reach the most amount of people before Christmas!  So, in honor of our kids attending a Montessori School where these are all the rage, I present to you:

A Christmas Acrostic!

M is for Monica who this year became a certified yoga teacher!  After years of just talking about it, she decided it was time to just do it!  After a year of studying and exams, Monica is pleased to announce she is certified at the 200 RYT level in Hatha yoga.

E is for "Every" night....every night it's something: from Max's choir practice to Swim team to ballet to yoga to...well, you get the idea.  Every night, there is something going on, and Monica and Mark most often feel like taxi drivers.

R is for reading!  Sarah learned to read this year and has already read several little books for us.  It is so fun to see her reading in such a natural way that made it so fun for her to learn.

R is for rhythm.  Both kids really enjoy music, dancing and singing!  If you ask them their favorite pop song, Sarah might say it is the "Better When I'm Dancing" song from the Snoopy movie, and Max would say probably Psy's new hit "Daddy."

Y is for yearly!  It was fun to make our yearly trek to Lakeside, Ohio this year to spend time with our dear friends Kelly and Zane and their kids Madelyn, Ciarra and Torin, as well as with Monica's parents.  The kids had a blast this year as we decided to take the plunge and share a cottage almost right on the water.  We saw some great shows, ate Sloopy's pizza, and had fun hanging out on the front porch painting rocks.  We also traveled to Canada for the Shaw Festival to stay at our favorite old inn, The Charles, and to see a few plays.  We also visited family in West Virginia over Spring Break.  And of course, there were the fun concerts at Blossom to hear the always amazing Cleveland Orchestra!

C is for cat!  This year we added another fur baby to our family with the addition of Weasley, a ginger tabby who is super sweet and a bit wild.  He loves to torment his big sisters: Grizabella, Agatha and Daisy.

H is for holy.  This year, our family, after much thought and contemplation, decided to become Catholic.  Monica is currently going through RCIA classes at St. Mary's Parish in Wooster, while Max will take his first communion on his 11th birthday in the Spring.  Mark is planning to take RCIA next year and Sarah will continue in her Parish School of Religion classes.

R is for riding our bikes.  This Summer, due to some great weather that extended late into Fall, we really enjoyed riding bikes together as a family, all over Orrville.  Biking to get ice cream, or down to our neighborhood hang out Jerry's, made the summer a blast!

I  is for Indians! One of the things we enjoyed most about this summer was our mini season ticket package to the Cleveland Indians' games. Our kids loved the games and the stadium so much, they both got the bug of collecting baseball cards, and their new favorite song became "The Star-Spangled Banner".  We can't wait for Spring Training.

S  is for Suzuki.  Sarah started Suzuki violin last year, and has already had several opportunities to perform in the community.  The lessons keep mom and dad busy as Sarah goes twice a week:  once during the week and then Saturdays for group classes.

T  is for total shock!  After a year of playing the drums, Max shocked his drum-playing parents with the shocking news that he wanted to play....flute!  He is apparently a natural at it, and seems to enjoy it, but Monica's hopes for another percussionist seem to be a bit lost.  He still plays the piano, which is often labeled a percussion instrument, so there's that consolation.

M is for Montessori.  The kids are enjoying spending another year at Montessori school. Max has been there for four years, and Sarah, since she was a baby.  Max is in fourth grade and part of the Upper El class.  He loves his teacher, Mrs. Gamble, and has worked on some interesting projects from Muhammad Ali to a project on his Aunt Lianne's youth in Germany to John Singer Sargent.  Sarah is in kindergarten and got to be the first class in the new building that went up on campus this year.

A is for "A" fixture...Mark is still at Smuckers, and Monica at the University of Akron. Monica intends on expanding her law practice this year in addition to teaching yoga and classes at Akron.  Yep, she's a busy girl! 

S is for Super....we feel super blessed and super fortunate to live in a great little town, in a great county, which is in close proximity to Cleveland  and Akron, with wonderful friends and family to surround us.  We also feel super blessed to have two great international students, Nanako Ito and Hero Endo, both from Japan and now Juniors at the College of Wooster as our extended adopted family.   

So, as I close this Christmas acrostic, we wish you a blessed Christmas, a very happy Holiday and a bountiful and peace-filled New Year.  May next year's election cycle not drive you completely batty! 

Blessings,

Monica, Mark, Max, Sarah-Grace, and ^^Lydia^^
And the cats:
Grizabella, Agatha, Daisy, and Weasley

How to Avoid the Christmas Crazies:  The Real Meaning of Advent

Since I began this journey to become Catholic, I have been amazed by how deep and rich a tradition the Catholic church really is.  There are so many ways to become engaged in your faith that I never felt I had as a Protestant.  One thing that especially strikes me about this richness is the holistic manner in which you can experience your religion within Catholicism.  From the beauty of the Mass, to a relationship with Mary, to the idea of the Invisible Church and Saints, there are a myriad of ways to connect with and identify with your faith. 

As I have been studying about and learning about Catholicism, and as Mark will tell you, it is an involved process, I have been struck by the way in which the Old Testament presages the Gospels, which in turn are tied in to St. Paul's Letters.  I had never examined as a Protestant, not in all the Bible studies I attended, the history and richness of the Old Testament as it relates to what is coming in the Gospels.  Each Mass those dots get connected and you can see a clear path from the old covenant to the new. 

One of the most beautiful traditions I am currently experiencing is the Catholic understanding of Advent.  The word "advent" derives from its Latin root advenire which means "to come".  As a Protestant, I had largely experienced Advent through the lighting of the advent wreath. I wasn't aware of what this period really meant in the early Church. In the Catholic sense,  Advent is a time of penitential reflection as we await the incarnation of God through Jesus.

As part of that idea of incarnation, we celebrate the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, the Feast of our Lady of Guadalupe, and on January 1, otherwise known as New Year's Day, the Solemnity of the Virgin Mary.   These feast days mean that one is reflecting on Mary's role in the incarnation as well as what Advent means in the larger context, which is the idea of Jesus coming into history in the first century A.D. but also his coming in the "to be continued" context, meaning, when he comes again.  The word penitent means that we are in thought about our sins and about how we need to conform our minds and hearts to God's will.  As Catholics, we contemplate and experience the sacrifice that is reflected at each Mass through the sacrament of communion.

And so, in the midst of Christmas music about Santa and reindeer, which is fun and delightful for us all, I am reminded of the true meaning of Christmas:  obedience, in Mary's response to God, and sacrifice, in God making himself fully human for us.  For us.  It's easy to get wrapped up in all the craziness of gift giving, TV shows, food, parties and the  non-stop Christmas, but not necessarily sacred, music on the radio, BUT like the true inspiration for Santa, St. Nicholas, it's also about giving to others, and trying each day to reflect the spirit of Christ to our brothers and sisters.  My kids aren't going to have lots of presents this year, mostly because I want them to think about what Christmas is all about.  We will go to Mass a bunch, even on days other than a Sunday. We will light the advent wreath, we will give to charity, but most of all, we will refocus our minds by shifting our focus from the Christmas tree to the manger scene.

May you have a very Christ-filled Advent!

Monica